Totally unprepared.

It's really something when the past haunts you and you're still unprepared to deal with it.

Damn.

I just hate it when I'm not in control of things. I just hate it when I don't have any choices...

... actually, I do have choices... they're just, well... bad ones. More like out of the frying pan and into the freaking fire.

I always end up just reminiscing the good old days, and make it makes me wonder how life would be like if I just let it go back in '99. Would life be rosier? If anything, the presence of just this one person (B) whom I love to bits makes my sufferings --- both ambivalence and otherwise --- worthwhile.

I told Mom one day that I regretted what I did and it's only this person (B) that made me wish that somehow something good still came up. She scolded me. Boy, was I surprised! As much as Mom adores this person (B), she would have wished that my choices in life would have been better... even if it means that this person (B) will never be a part of our lives.

So sad. Damn. Tragic definitely, if I had the power to turn back the hands of time and I opted to leave this other person (A) but that would mean person B wouldn't be with us...

... I just can't have my cake and eat it too.